


Missing Something

by not_rude_ginger



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Children of Earth Fix-It, Immortal Ianto Jones, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 22:45:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7988887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_rude_ginger/pseuds/not_rude_ginger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Ianto dies, he thinks it’s the last time. </p><p>COE compliant but not MD compliant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written 5 years ago before Miracle Day, and was something of an experiment, and although I feel my writing has improved since then, I'm still quite proud of this story, so I decided to post it up here for fresh eyes. It contains some of my headcanon for Ianto's backstory, but I think it's all clear enough.  
> Hope you enjoy!

The first time Ianto dies, he thinks it’s the last time.

 

~*~

 

Then he wakes up in his own coffin and scares everyone at his funeral.

His nephew wets himself, though he would forever deny it.

 

~*~

 

Gwen is ecstatic and insufferable, only getting worse as she gets bigger with her baby. Ianto is not allowed to leave her sight. Ever.

Ianto can’t help but think if Jack was still around he would be getting much of Gwen’s attention.

He was welcome to it.

 

~*~

 

The second time Ianto dies, it’s to save Rhys. That unborn baby of his needs someone rational in its life.

He wakes up two hours later with Gwen crushing his chest with her belly as she tries to cuddle him much like she would a newborn baby. The irony is not lost on him, even as he extricates himself and retreats to have a quiet breakdown by the water.

 

~*~

 

The third time Ianto dies, he decides that if he wakes up again, he is getting the Doctor’s number off Martha.

If anyone can explain this nonsense, it’s the man who is infamous for waving sonic devices at wood and somehow making it obey his will.

Martha is nothing if not helpful, even offering to come to Cardiff and help him out.

Ianto politely declines. He can handle this himself.

 

~*~

 

He’s on death number four before the Doctor returns his calls. For a supposed Time Lord –and Ianto is very, very certain that his species named themselves that out of a need to compensate for something –he absolutely sucks at staying on time. Ianto finds himself clutching to his trusty stopwatch more than ever when he deals with the Doctor.

The Doctor is baffled by Ianto.

“No idea! Absolutely no idea how you work –isn’t that cool? I don’t know anything about you! Oh and, uh, sorry about landing the TARDIS on you. Never done that before. Bad girl!”

Ianto, busy helping Gwen deliver her daughter since seeing the TARDIS crush Ianto’s torso had sent her into labour, makes a note in the back of his mind to punch this insufferable man who is whacking his consol with a squeaky hammer.

Oh, and he should probably call Rhys.

 

~*~

 

Number five is several months after the birth of Anwen.

In fact, numbers five, six, seven, and eight, all happen in the space of a day. Radiation poisoning is not an easy thing to recover from.

But at least as he collapses on his bed, he can rest easy knowing that Owen is at the very least no longer aware of his body’s decay. And that had always worried Ianto.

 

~*~

 

It’s a year after his funeral that Gwen suggests they try to contact Jack.

Actually, Ianto is pretty sure she’s been thinking about this since she got over the shock of him actually being alive. But maybe she expected Ianto to be the one to bring it up.

Hell, maybe she expected him to fill a backpack, hail a space taxi and start travelling the galaxy looking for him.

But that is not Ianto’s style.

Actually that was Ianto’s style. But not anymore. Maybe being dead had switched off a part of his brain, but he just had no interest in chasing after Jack, not even when the Doctor offered to help him.

Ianto had his own issues to deal with, without hunting down Jack and taking on his issues too.

And really, what else had they done? Ianto had been Jack’s sounding board, his comfort blanket, his strength and his contentment. Laying it out did make them sound like a couple.

Only Jack didn’t do couples. And now Ianto doesn’t do death. They all have their issues.

 

~*~

 

Ianto takes Anwen to preschool and is the first to notice that the building is haunted by a ghost.

He is the one to discover that, in fact, Weevils are native to Earth. Now he keeps expecting that Owen’s remains that he saw in the plant will mutate. Oh God… Weevils could be the real X-Men.

He relocates Flat Holm to a safer, more secure environment, and tells Gwen the government put all the inmates down.

He doesn’t think those poor victims need Gwen’s sort of affection and care. He may love her, but… there are times…

So he lets Gwen scream, and rant and rage while Rhys takes Anwen to the park. He listens calmly and waits for her to stop. Then he tells her that she should probably remember this next time she feels bored and wishes for more excitement in her life.

 

~*~

 

Gwen and Rhys take Anwen and move to Newport after that. Ianto promises to keep in touch.

He made the same promise to Rhiannon after using Ret-con to convince her that his death was part of an undercover special ops thing. So far they had exchanged one conversation and that was her yelling that he had promised to stay in touch.

 

~*~

 

Ianto is the one to start working on the crater that was the Hub. His home away from home and then his home. Johnson offers to help.

He is quick to tell her what he makes of that idea.

When she beats a sound retreat, Ianto sets to work. The rubble is removed, and eventually Ianto starts to find things that hurt.

Like the photo of Owen and Tosh that Gwen had kept at her desk. Now it was just a shred of Toshiko’s eye. A fitting metaphor for Torchwood. After all, how much had Ianto seen and now he was the only one left?

 

~*~

 

The day they break into the Archives, Ianto is careless and excited and relieved.

Death number nine is a shock drop of a large block of cement on his head.

The following paperwork wasn’t worth the excitement.

 

~*~

 

It seems to take no time at all, although in reality it takes over a year, for the Hub to be built into something that is to Ianto’s taste. He didn’t really think about restoring it to the old style, so dark, and depressing. He missed the brightness of the corridors of Torchwood One, but then again, he hadn’t wanted something clinical.

He thinks he’s found a good balance.

Gwen and Martha don’t seem as pleased.

“It’s nice Ianto. But it’s not very Torchwood, is it?”

“Well, neither of you have been to Two, or set foot in One, and the Hub was basically Jack’s. What do you know of Torchwood?”

“Ianto! I worked here!”

“You worked for Jack. Not for Torchwood. You only threw the name around when it got you somewhere.”

Gwen’s eyes fill with tears. “Ianto… why are you acting this way?”

“What way? I’m getting the job done.”

“It’s like ever since you came back the first time, a part of you didn’t come back with it. It’s like –it’s like your soul isn’t there anymore.”

Ianto snorts and walks away.

 

~*~

 

Later, as he lies in his bed, he wonders if maybe Gwen has a point.

 

~*~

 

Once he hires on people and sets them to their tasks, Ianto decides he should try to reclaim some normalcy in his life (lives?).

So, he decides to go to a pub and see what happens.

 

~*~

 

He meets a blonde girl who he goes home with. She has brown eyes and an English accent, and soft skin. He kisses her and feels a spark of awakening.

Like an addict he grasps for more from her, holding her against him and enjoying the way she sighs in his ear and holds him with strength in her small hands.

As he makes his way down her neck, she speaks.

“Do you know what I do?”

“Uh huh.”

She sighs deeply, hands on his bare shoulder blades clutching him with such strength it feels like she’s holding him up. And when she gasps her words out, she really is the only thing holding him up.

“I bring life!”

Golden light fills Ianto’s eyes and he feels his own skin dissipate under her touch.

 

~*~

 

When Ianto wakes up, he is caught off guard by the wrenching sob that forces its way out of his body. He pushes himself to his knees and doubles up, curling an arm around his stomach as he begins to cry. He has no idea what he is crying for. There’s no specific thing.

There’s Toshiko and Owen.

There’s the destruction of the Hub and all the precious history inside it.

There’s the aching pain that follows him when he comes back to life.

There’s the fact that he can’t die and not even the Doctor can explain it.

There’s how much he hates being stuck on this planet of selfish, unthinking people.

And then there’s Jack.

Jack who he gave his chance of a normal life for.

Jack who was so tortured that Ianto felt like nothing he ached over was as big.

Jack who would rather shag rough than share words.

Jack who couldn’t say he loved him back, when he finally ran out of time.

“Fuck you Jack! Fuck you Jack Harkness!”

He’s punching the floor and screaming and he has no idea how long he does this for. He does it until he collapses.

 

~*~

 

Waking up, Ianto is alone in an empty apartment. He’s starting to figure out the girl he went home with was probably not the average shop girl from London.

 

~*~

 

The Doctor comes back in a panic. And in a new face. With a bowtie.

Ianto is still reeling from his emotional release, so he decides focusing on the stupid bowtie is the best thing to do.

“There was a huge amount of vortex energy here recently! And you –now you’re practically dripping with it!”

The Doctor gets in far too close and Ianto is genuinely worried he is about to have his nose licked.

“Back off.” he snaps. The Doctor jumps back like a skittish squirrel, twitchy smile on his lips as he eyes Ianto with the excitement of a mad scientist, fingers wiggling.

“Oooh! Feisty! We like feisty. Don’t we?”

“We?” asks Ianto.

Even as he asks the question, he knows when he turns around Jack is going to be behind him.

“Yes I, uh, picked up an old friend.”

“Wasn’t aware you two were friends anymore. Given that you called him wrong and all.” Ianto is aware of how biting he is, but he does not care. He’s too exhausted.

“Ah, you heard about that?”

“Yep.”

“Oh dear… well, we’ve reached an understanding.” The Doctor gives a rubber-band smile, stretching his lips and then releasing them into a pout of curiosity. Still twitching.

“I’m sure you have.”

Just to be petty, Ianto reaches out and pulls at the stupid bowtie, undoing it –much to the Doctor’s outrage.

“Ianto…”

Jack’s voice is reverent, awed. Like Ianto’s name is now a prayer.

“Jack.”

Ianto, on the other hand, is clipped and calm. He turns to face Jack and inclines his head. “Welcome to Torchwood.”

Jack looks around in some surprise. “This is… wow.”

“Did you want something?”

Jack looks hurt. Ianto can’t care.

“I’m here for you.”

“Are you? How nice.”

“Ianto… the Doctor says you can’t die.”

“No. I can die. I just don’t stay dead.”

Jack gives a cracked smile at the distinction. “Right. But you’re… like me now?”

“So it would seem.”

Jack is lost for words. Ianto strides past him, heading for his office.

“Ianto wait, please.”

Ianto stops and looks around at Jack, who looks half desperate, half hopeful.

“I can understand how difficult this has been for you but-”

“I don’t think you do. Unless you were brought back broken.”

The Doctor and Jack both look at him in confusion, the Doctor fixing his bowtie and fussing far too much with it. Ianto walks back to them.

“Your friend paid me a visit. Bad Wolf, right?”

“You saw Rose?” asks Jack. The Doctor skips closer to them, eyes wide and urgent.

“I fucked her.” says Ianto, rather enjoying the looks of outrage and jealousy on their faces. “She brought me back, but she did it wrong. This time she left a part of me behind. I’m not the same. You get to come back the same Jack. I don’t. She left behind the part of me that makes life worthwhile.”

“What part?”

“…Joy.”

“Are you sure a good cup of tea wouldn’t fix that?” asks the Doctor. Ianto turns his gaze to him, stares him down and then walks away.

“Ianto wait! Let me help you.” cries Jack, chasing after him. “We can get through this together.”

“Why?” asks Ianto, still walking. “It’s not like you love me in any way that matters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come and chat with me over at my [tumblr](https://not-rude-ginger.tumblr.com/)
> 
> If you enjoy my work please consider buying me a [cup of coffee!](http://ko-fi.com/notrudeginger)


	2. Closed Circuits and Loose Nails

Ianto has the Doctor and Jack escorted out of his company’s premises. He has no interest in discussing things with them. Besides which he is confused by the Doctor’s new face and needs to think.

 

~*~

 

After he died the first time, Ianto had strange dreams. They felt like memories, but they were utterly ridiculous. He had never left Earth for one.

For another he was not of himself. Someone else was using his lips to say words that he would never say in his life or unlife. Someone else was using his hormones and neurons to feel things he did not feel.

Namely whoever it was felt love. Not sexual, not romantic, not paternal. Just… love. Unbending, unyielding, clear sighted love. Ianto had never felt such a thing.

And he certainly did not feel that for the Doctor!

 

~*~

 

Jack tries to talk to him.

Ianto blanks him out like he is not there. It works because Jack is afraid to touch him.

“Ianto, please. We can work this out. If you just let us try…”

Ianto picks up the phone and dials the number for the new prime minister. He is keeping a nasty, warning, constant eye on the woman.

He had never liked politicians.

“Ianto… let me help you.”

“Hello, Prime Minister. Ianto Jones here.”

 

~*~

 

In the dreams Ianto’s body is put in a cage, and his mouth cannot stop moving. His voice rambles on and on, but he cannot quite hear what he has to say, because the other thing inside him is so chaotic, so insane that he cannot get past it. Golden light and everything happens at once, but hasn’t and has and he is carried off by the onslaught.

Then the Doctor comes and the Doctor is shocked, he is confused, he is delighted. Oh, and angry, very, very angry.

That’s when Ianto notices he has breasts.

Not his body then.

 

~*~

 

Many a strange thing can happen in Torchwood. Many improbable things become commonplace. Still that leaves quite a list of improbable things.

Being literally chased down by a TARDIS is high on the list.

“I don’t know why she’s doing this!” yelps the Doctor over the comm. as Ianto runs as fast as he can through the streets of Cardiff as the TARDIS bounces off one wall and then the other. It’s like a lion and he’s a gazelle, and the TARDIS is hungry. “First she crushes you and now she’s chasing you, she really mustn’t like you at all!”

Ianto ducks and the TARDIS zooms over his head so he can double back and try to get back to Torchwood. Over the comm. he hears something break.

“My teacup!”

 

~*~

 

In his dreams, Ianto’s not-his-body is now falling apart, and the love is no longer a part of him. He is floating away. Everything is golden and calm and he likes it. He can hear the voice that was not-his and hears it speak to the Doctor and the orange one and the pretty one.

“Alive. I’m alive!”

 

~*~

 

Ianto sips at a bottle of water. It wouldn’t do to die of dehydration because the TARDIS hunted him down for hours. He has also given Amy and Rory some refreshments, which they sip at looking deeply uncomfortable. The TARDIS is in front of them, the Doctor having managed to ground her. The doors are open and the Doctor can  be heard banging and crashing around and talking non-stop.

“Bad girl! Very bad girl sexy. What do you have against this poor human? I know he doesn’t feel right, but you never behaved like this with Jack!”

“No, she just ran to the end of the universe to get away from me.”

“Exactly!” The Doctor seems to have missed Jack’s bitter tone. “She ran, she did not harm you.”

“I still died.”

“You were clinging on to the outside in the vortex, of course you were going to die.”

“Those two hurt my head.” mutters Rory. Ianto glances at the couple. He recognises them as well from his dreams. He wants to know why.

 

~*~

 

There are many things Ianto wants to know.

Why is he able to come back from the dead?

Why does the TARDIS hate him?

Why did Rose Tyler somehow appear and sleep with him?

Why did she not give him back his joy along with his grief?

And why does Jack not move on?

 

Unfortunately Ianto knows the answer to the last question, and he doesn’t like it one bit.

 

~*~

 

“Ok!” The Doctor emerges with Jack, a pair of aviator goggles on his head and soot all around his face. “So! We have a man who cannot die-”

“Cannot stay dead.” corrected Ianto, deciding that he must at least let these people try to help, or he may never get his answers.

“Right! And the same man is for some reason really disliked by my TARDIS. So far she has crushed you to death-”

“Which sent Gwen into premature labour.”

“Will you stop interrupting me?”

“Will you stop dismissing critical facts?”

Jack looks like he wants to laugh. Ianto will punch him if he does.

“All right then clever clogs, what else have I missed?”

“Well, since I died the first time I’ve had dreams in which I see you, Amy and Rory talking to me. Only it’s not me, because I have never, ever had breasts.”

The dumbfounded expressions on their faces elicits the strongest desire to laugh he has had since he woke up in his own coffin.

 

~*~

 

The golden light is frequent between the dreams of the Doctor. He is a part of it, and yet not. He is attached to it and yet is buffeted around by it in a chaotic mess that is not painful, and not even terrifying, but still not good.

It feels more familiar than it should.

 

~*~

 

“You’ve seen this face before?” asks the Doctor making such wild gestures at himself he’s at risk of slapping himself. Which Ianto is not against.

“Yes. For months I’ve seen it.”

“Why didn’t you say so before?”

“… because I would imagine such things would be bad for timelines.”

“Oh, yes! Right, of course. Sorry.” The Doctor cocks his head to the side for half a second in thought, then leaps at Ianto, pulling out his sonic screwdriver and waving it around. “Now! What happens in this dream with the… the… well you know.” He cups his own chest to get the meaning across.

“I’m in a body that isn’t my own, and I’m not driving it. Someone else is. Someone who finds tenses almost impossible to keep straight. And found the word alive so sad.”

It hurts to speak of it. He may not own the feelings but they still hurt.

“Oh my God.” mutters Amy, rising to her feet. “You were in Idris’ body?”

“Who’s Idris?” asks Jack, looking from one face to another. A moment where Jack knows the least. Ianto would be able to skate across hell today.

“A woman who was filled with the soul of the TARDIS, her body fell apart under the strain but for a while the TARDIS could speak –are you telling me you were in there too?” demands the Doctor, brandishing his screwdriver like a sword at Ianto’s nose.

“In between golden lights all around me.”

“Golden lights?”

 

~*~

 

The Golden Lights filled his mind when he slept with Rose Tyler. It was later he realised that they were the same as what he’d been seeing in his dreams.

Only, in his dreams they were unaware of him, he was part of them.

With her, they had been focused on him. They were different like that.

 

~*~

 

“So you shared Idris’ body with the TARDIS? But how’d you do that?”

Ianto has no answer, so he sits behind his desk and stares out the window which opens to the main part of the new Hub, watching his employees meander around. He ignores the Doctor buzzing around his head with the screwdriver. He only gives him his attention when the Doctor’s face pushes into his and his eyes stares into his.

“Hmm…” murmurs the Doctor.

“You know I only let people I’m about to kiss get this close to me?” says Ianto in his most dangerous voice. The Doctor’s eyes light up with what may be intrigue.

“Oh?”

“Doc! Back off!” hisses Jack. Surprisingly, the Doctor obeys. He examines his screwdriver carefully.

“Have you ever seen the golden light before Ianto?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“It feels familiar, like… like a building I see every day but never really noticed.”

“And where were you born?”

“Cardiff.”

“And your parents.”

“Cardiff.”

“And your-”

“Cardiff!”

“And what’s your favourite food?”

“No idea. Can’t remember.”

“Oh, well…” the Doctor clears his throat looking embarrassed. Then sets down the screwdriver and grins at him. “I think I’ve figured it out!”

“Why Ianto can’t die you mean?”

“No! I mean, yes, but I’ve figured out the rest of it too.”

Ianto raises a dubious eyebrow.

The Doctor, seeing it, sulks, “You could be a little more enthused.”

“I await with baited breath.”

“Much better! Now! Come and show me your state of the art scanner. It’ll help –oh!” The Doctor runs back into the TARDIS and after a few moments of clattering around, during which Ianto pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation. His exasperation only increases when the Doctor bounds out wearing a pair of old 3D glasses.

“Now we can go!”

 

~*~

 

Martha and Gwen join them for the explanation. Ianto had determined it made sense to call them in. That way this would only have to be explained once.

“So! Ianto Jones, born in Cardiff, died in London and somehow spends time in his dreams outside the universe, quite the mystery, quite the mystery.”

The Doctor should have been a thespian.

“Now! I bet that if we use this scanner in the right way, we will find exactly what I expect to –Yes! Oh baby there it is!”

Ianto stared at the image of himself surrounded by golden light. He was very tempted to ask if he was an angel. The Doctor looked absolutely fascinated.

“You haven’t just been dreaming of that light since you died, you’ve been dreaming of it since you were a child, only you couldn’t remember it because it’s all time-wobbly stuff.”

“Or timey-wimey.” said Martha, looking at the screen in shock.

“Exactly! Now, you said that you were born here, in Cardiff, but you weren’t born in a hospital, were you?”

“I was born in my home. My mam preferred home births.”

“And I’m betting if we checked, your house would sit right on the crack of the Rift. You were born soaking in Rift Energy.”

“Isn’t everyone in Cardiff.”

“Ah! True, but you are different! Very, very different. You see, because you and Jack were… um… you and Jack, that was a fresh, unique source of Rift Energy put into you.”

Gwen blushed.

“Go on.” sighed Ianto, closing his eyes and wondering if any dignity would be retained.

“Think of it like a completion of a circuit. One wire was with you when you were born, the other came with Jack.”

Now Rory was blushing.

“And?”

“And it basically linked you into the time vortex. But not physically, more like spiritually, if that makes any sense. A part of you is a part of the time vortex and what else does that do?”

“Keep Jack alive?”

“Erm, well, yes, but not what I was going for?”

“Maintain the universe.”

“Oh, yes that too but not what I was-”

“Save us an hour.”

“It powers the TARDIS you silly boy!”

Ianto frowns and glances up at the TARDIS in his office, “So…”

“So! When you died you didn’t just… go like most people do, you fell into the vortex and became a full part of it. But because half that connection was from Jack and his comes from the TARDIS, you became a part of the TARDIS! And because you were still human on some level it was only when she was in Idris that you could perceive it!”

“And the other half?”

“Well, here’s where it gets complicated.”

“Because so far it’s been so straight forward.”

“Will you stop interrupting or I’m just not going to explain it to you?”

Ianto raises an eyebrow at him, “Now you really sound like a nine year old.”

Only the Doctor gets the reference and visibly bristles and quails at the same time. “Yes, well… anyway! A human can’t just exist in the vortex. They’re always tied to their bodies, a mind cannot exist without a brain, so you were like a loose nail in the vortex, catching constantly and dragging at it.”

“So it sent me back to my body?”

“Yes, but the vortex not only retains Rose’s inclinations –otherwise it would have just tried to destroy you –it doesn’t have any more control than she did. Especially since your own mind was affecting it.”

“Oh was I?” drawls Ianto.

The Doctor stares at him incredulous and then looks around despairingly at the others muttering, “He had a powerful influence over the time vortex and acts like it was as casual as a cup of coffee.”

“There’s nothing casual about coffee.” Ianto can feel a smirk pulling at his lips. It’s almost unnatural now. “So, how was I affecting the vortex?”

“Because you wanted to live again, didn’t you?”

“Who doesn’t?”

“But more than that…” The Doctor is getting awkwardly close again, leaning in and whispering in his ear, “You wanted to come back for him. So he wouldn’t be alone anymore.”

Something melts inside Ianto and he finally looks at the Doctor with something like wonder. The Doctor meets his gaze and gives him a cracked smile that’s more endearing than any of the exaggeration he had displayed so far. Then he pulls back and continues to the group.

“So, the time vortex restored Ianto to life, so he was like Jack. Only, it wasn’t able to complete it.”

“Why not?”

“Because when it restored Ianto, the part of him in the TARDIS was outside the universe, inside Idris.”

There is confusion and not a little fear all around.

“So… what does that mean?” asks Gwen, reaching for Ianto’s hand.

“Well, to put it one way, Ianto’s soul was split in two.”

Ianto inhales deeply and lets it out in a shuddering breath. Gwen’s hand curls around his arm. Jack shifts closer, but Ianto shakes his head, pulling away from Gwen too. The Doctor is sympathetic now.

“You’ve been wandering around with half of who you are missing. You poor creature.”

Ianto glares at him. “Wrap this up fast. I have work to do.”

“Wait, if Idris carried his other soul half…” starts Rory eyes widening. “Does that mean it went back into the TARDIS when she died?”

Then Amy’s face breaks into a wide grin, “Oh my god! The TARDIS is like a Horcrux!”

“A what?” asks Jack. Ianto rolls his eyes, even as his chest tightens in a slow panic.

“All this time, she’s been trying to give back to you what is yours. That’s why she’s been so determined to get close to you. But she’s so big and you’re so small, she couldn’t do it.” murmurs the Doctor regretfully. “And that’s why you saw Rose. The vortex was trying to return it to you, but couldn’t. The TARDIS is linked into it, but not wholly a part of it. She retains her own identity, which you became a part of. The Vortex managed to give you a small part of it back, but not all of it.”

Ianto recalls the break down he experienced after meeting Rose Tyler and nods slightly.

“So… does this mean you can give him back what he’s missing?” asks Jack hopefully.

“I can’t.” the Doctor smiles at Ianto who swallows, understanding where he’s going with this. “This is between Ianto and the TARDIS.”

Ianto glances around at all the hopeful and anxious faces around him and then looks up at the TARDIS again. He sighs.

“I’ll need a cup of coffee first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come and chat with me over at my [tumblr](https://not-rude-ginger.tumblr.com/)
> 
> If you enjoy my work please consider buying me a [cup of coffee!](http://ko-fi.com/notrudeginger)


	3. Go Far To Come Near

When Ianto opens his eyes he is aware of a warm hand on his cheek. He blinks hard to clear away the blurriness of his vision. He has to do it twice more before he can see properly. He is lying on something hard, staring up at a domed roof that’s glowing such a soft red it’s really pink.

He looks to the side and sees that it is Jack touching his cheek.

Jack is bent over him, looking pale and worried.

 

There is strong déjà vu here.

 

~*~

 

Ianto has to have three cups of coffee before he feels at all ready for this.

 

He is about to go into the TARDIS.

 

The TARDIS which has crushed him to death, and chased him down through the streets of Cardiff like game.

 

And all because she doesn’t want his soul being a part of her.

 

Ianto wonders if he should feel offended.

 

He certainly doesn’t feel grateful.

 

~*~

 

“Jack…” he murmurs, staring up at Jack who smiles at him hopefully.

“Ianto…” he sighs, leaning down.

“So! How’d it go, eh?” The Doctor bumps Jack with his shoulder as he somehow manages to jump to his knees, rather than dropping down to them on Ianto other’s side. He waves the sonic screwdriver in Ianto’s face and examines it practically pressed against his own nose.

“Ha! She did it! She gave it back. You have your soul in full again Mr. Ianto Jones. What do you say to that?”

Ianto considers it.

Then punches the Doctor in the nose.

 

~*~

 

The TARDIS hums and throbs around him and he wonders if he really wants this other part of him back.

Is it really worth it?

Ianto tries to recall anything that doesn’t make him ache.

He can think of nothing.

The idea of feeling this way forever is unbearable.

So he opens the heart of the TARDIS and peers in.

 

~*~

 

“Ow! ‘by nosed!” wails the Doctor, clutching his nose and staring bug eyed at Ianto.

Ianto sits up and stares at him coldly. “You hit by nose!” complains the Doctor as Amy offers him a handkerchief.

“That was for not being there when some fucking bastards wanted to steal away a tenth of our children! You can make it for Cybermen, and Daleks, and psychotic Santas and you can’t bother your arse to come and help protect the most vulnerable ones of all?”

Ianto is not sure when he had gotten to his feet, but he has and is now looming over the Doctor who tilts his head back to look at him.

“I can’t always-”

“No! You do not get to use that as an excuse! Not when there are kids involved, not when they are being used as permanent drug sources for sick aliens!” snaps Ianto.

“Ianto!” Jack’s hands are on him again, stroking his shoulder. “Please.”

Ianto turns his head to look at Jack. “Don’t you dare defend him Jack Harkness! Don’t you dare!”

“I…” Jack falters and it’s enough of a chance for Ianto to pull away and walk out of the TARDIS. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, speed dialling the number he knows by heart.

“Ianto, please, can we talk?” begs Jack.

Ianto holds his hand up to silence him as the phone rings. She picks up on the seventh ring.

“Hello?” She sounds as upset as Ianto expected.

“It’s me.”

“Ianto! I was going to call you-”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Yeah… it’s complicated, but I know what’s going on up there.”

“Oh…”

“I’m coming up. I’ll be there in two hours at most.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Ok. Bye.”

“Bye.”

“Ianto! Do not ignore me!” snaps Jack sound irate. Ianto puts his phone back in his pocket, turns to Jack, and slugs him in the jaw.

“There. Didn’t ignore you then.” he tells him.

“Are you sure that TARDIS didn’t make things worse?” asks Gwen nervously.

“No, it worked. It definitely worked!” says the Doctor, now back on his feet, though there’s blood on his bowtie.

“So why...?”

“Wasn’t missing all my soul, was I?” sighs Ianto, “Just missing the part that lets me feel happy.”

“You don’t seem very happy.”

“I don’t have a reason right now to be happy.”

 

 

~*~

 

When Ianto wakes up in his own coffin, he cracks his head on the lid.

The noise makes Rhiannon scream and Gwen drops her mass card.

Ianto pounds on the lid, shouting to be let out.

It’s all Martha can do to keep order. Gwen’s useless in the wake of her hormones, and Rhiannon almost faints.

But with Martha there are two other helpers.

They had been at the back of the church and, together, managed to keep people from running out of the church screaming about zombies.

The coffin is moved to the side room, and Ianto scrambles out with Rhys’ help.

There are hysterics and shouting and confusion as Gwen, Rhiannon, Johnny and Mica shout and demand answers.

It’s only when they calm down that Ianto even notices the other two watching from the background.

“You’re alive!”

Archie smirks, “That’s meant to be our line lad.”

Gwen whirls around in surprise, “Who’re you?”

Ianto wonders if a lesson in professional courtesy is redundant now.

“Gwen, that’s Torchwood Two.”

Gwen gapes in astonishment. Clearly she had long forgotten that Two existed.

“Archibald McGregor and Michaela Murphy, at your service.” says Archie with such a delicious mix of sneering and triumph Ianto almost feels proud of him.

 

~*~

 

With his soul whole, Ianto feels the pride catch up on him as he packs a small suitcase.

 

~*~

 

When Ianto looks into the heart of the TARDIS he half expects his head to melt ala Indian Jones.

Instead he is carried off by the sheer power of Time.

He is never going to fear a rollercoaster again.

 

~*~

 

Archie and Michaela had hidden in the bowels of Torchwood House’s secure Archives when they realised Torchwood was under attack. They had expected Jack to call them with information and instructions.

Jack had forgotten all about them.

Forgivable under the circumstances.

 

Not so forgivable in Gwen’s case.

Ianto had had to do so much apologising for their abandonment on the part of, well, everyone.

 

~*~

 

“Where are you going?” demands Jack, Gwen on his heels. Back to standard then.

“Glasgow.” says Ianto brushing past them.

“Why?”

“Archie’s in the hospital.”

That shuts Jack up better than any smart remark could have.

 

~*~

 

If Torchwood One was the efficient and cold machine of the Institution, if Three was where the outcasts of the world were kept and absolutely had to get along or else, if Four was… well, Four, then Two was where a member could retreat to for tea, sympathy, easy affection and security.

Ianto often thought of Torchwood House like his grandmother’s house. Old, smelled a little odd, but made him feel like his soul –what he had retained of it anyway –had been wrapped in an electric blanket.

Archie is like an affectionate Great-Uncle, ready to ply Ianto with drink and tell him strange stories, and make him feel like everything is ok.  

Michaela is the motherly friend who could cuddle him without him feeling childish. Maybe it was because he was a month older than her.

Or maybe it was because they had shagged occasionally. Ianto wasn’t sure.

 

~*~

 

“Why’s he in the hospital?”

“Heart attack. Bad one. I don’t think he’s gonna make it.” says Ianto, feeling his gut ache at the idea, but not letting it show. Once he was there, he would relax and let himself show his feelings. But not in front of these people, never in front of these people.

“Then I’m going with you!” declares Jack.

“Jack-”

“I’ve known Archie longer than you! I owe to him to be there.”

Ianto finds himself delighted by these words. “Finally, you show some decency. Come on then.”

Jack’s mouth falls open.

“Wait!”

Ianto closes his eyes and does not turn around. “Doctor, I will punch you again if you try to stop me.”

“Actually I thought you might like to get to Glasgow in five seconds ago.” says the Doctor carefully. Ianto can guess he’s pointing at the TARDIS.

“You think after what she did I’m going back in her?” asks Ianto archly.

“She’ll behave. I’m sure of it.” The Doctor does not sound the slightest bit convincing.

Ianto is beyond certain he will regret this.

 

~*~

 

After Ianto comes back from the dead –the first time –he spends a lot of time with Two, letting their dependability and laid back attitude soothe him when he’s sick of Gwen’s fussing and Martha’s experiments.

He doesn’t do much with them, the most outrageous thing they do is attend rugby matches, but all three of them consider that a national obligation.

“How come you don’t hate us?” asks Archie as they nurse drinks after an Irish defeat. Archie has hopes for Scotland this year.

“Huh?” asks Ianto eloquently. He had been pulling at a thread on his jersey for five minutes.

“We’re the reason you’re like this he means.” sighs Michaela, sticking her tongue out and poking the tip into her whiskey. She’s already had three and she’s a lightweight.

“You mean the not staying dead thing?”

“Yeah. That. We’re the ones who got you into Torchwood.”

This is true. After he and Michaela had become friends she had introduced him to Archie, and Archie had gotten him into One.

The rest is history.

Ianto tilts his head to the side and shrugs.

“Can’t hate you two. I’d have no one left to like.”

“Charming.” grunts Archie. Michaela has a red line around her mouth from pressing the glass into her skin.

“Also… you never did it to hurt me. In fact you went out of your way to help me. You always have. You’re rose-edged. I appreciate that after so much ‘harsh reality’.”

“We’re not the only ones like that though.”

“Yes. But you’ve lasted the longest.”

Michaela groans. “Now you’ve gone and jinxed it.”

 

~*~

 

The TARDIS amazes him far more when it actually lands in the right time and place than it did when it returned his missing soul-piece.

Ianto had always appreciated the little things.

He ignores Jack, again, as he strides into the hospital and asks where Archibald McGregor is. He follows the directions and finds the room.

Archie looks too small in that bed, like a weakling.

Archie is an overweight, loud, gregarious Scotsman. It should be physically impossible for him to look small.

He’s sleeping, oxygen mask on his face. Michaela nearly falls out of her chair when Ianto walks in.

“That was fa-”

She’s spotted Jack, cutting herself off to glare at him.

Ianto embraces her in a hug and gestures to Archie.

“How is he?”

“He’ll be pissed when he wakes if Harkness is still here.”

Ianto loves that she’s on his side. Michaela buries her face in his chest, inhaling deeply and Ianto feels warmth spread through him in a way he had not felt in a long time. He has to repress his sudden and inappropriate desire to kiss her.

“He’s gonna be ok, isn’t he?” asks Jack quietly, sounding upset.

“What do you care?” asks Michaela, still squeezing Ianto’s middle, “You never even checked up on us after the 456. We could have helped and you didn’t think of us.”

“I was busy being blown apart and drowned in concrete.”

“Shush!” hisses Ianto. He can forgive Jack for forgetting during the crisis, Ianto should have been the one to think of it. He’s closer to Two than Jack is personally. But his head had been full of _‘Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack.’_ that they hadn’t occurred to him, something that had filled him with guilt. Especially when he found out they could have saved Stephen.

 

~*~

 

“What do you mean you could have saved him?”

Archie looks old as he rubs at his eyes. “I’m sayin’ we had a device down here. Not sure of its original purpose, but it can mimic the brainwaves of anything you want. If the aliens were tapping into the kids’ minds then we might’ve been able to utilise the device and that poor kid-”

 _Jack’s Grandson_ went unsaid.

“-Wouldn’t have died.”

Ianto swallows bile as he thinks about this. Then he says,

“If you ever see him again, you are never to tell him that!”

Archie and Michaela regard him like he’s a fool.

“Boyo, we’re pissed at him, not heartless.” says Michaela.

“Aye. We may tear him a new one for forgetting us after the whole thing –not bothering to see if Johnson’s lot had gotten us too –but we’d never tell him something that crippling.”

 

~*~

 

At the time Ianto had been unable to feel the love such statements and sentiments should have brought out.

As he holds Michaela close, and looks at Archie on the bed, he feels that love bubbling inside him and he holds her all the tighter, like she is a teddy bear.

Jack’s jealousy is palpable.

 

~*~

 

When Ianto looks into the TARDIS he is swept up inside it and carried off into the Vortex.

He should probably be afraid, but he isn’t.

Rather, he is determined to do what he came here to do.

The TARDIS has a part of his soul.

He is going to get it back.

The experience when it happens is… impossible. Ianto only has some vague idea of it when he is brought back to his body. His mind works desperately to come up with some kind of interpretation for what he… ‘saw’? Well he didn’t exactly have eyes when he was in there, so maybe saw is not the right word.

What his mind gives him for a visual memory is golden light, and golden threads. Enough gold to make a pharaoh blush.

Ianto can feel the difference as soon as he opens his eyes. He can feel the utter relief and delight Jack’s face brings him. He can feel the gratitude towards the Doctor for figuring it out.

The problem is that no matter how good those feelings are, they do not negate his anger, either in his head or his heart.

The Doctor failed to turn up when he was needed. Thousands of children were nearly lost.

Jack failed his one chance to confess his love and make it mean something.

Now Ianto can never look at him and not hate him, because Jack is clearly ready to say those words. Now that Ianto is ‘safe’.

What is that worth?

 

~*~

 

Ianto knows Archie’s going to die.

Must be a lingering effect of the TARDIS and the Time Vortex, because it’s not just a feeling of dread. It is a fact.

He sets Michaela in his lap and they sit by Archie’s bedside, Michaela eventually resting her head on Archie’s chest, listening to his heartbeat.

Ianto recalls Archie’s antics and smiles through tears as the machines stop beeping and Archie stops breathing. He aches, he hurts like losing that beloved uncle. But, and here is the amazing thing, he is ok. He will miss Archie desperately, but he can deal with it.

Unlike Jack.

Gwen and Martha look after Jack, who starts to weep silently.

Ianto figures that he’s still raw from everything and this is salt on the wounds. But he is still angry with Jack, and anyway, Jack has support. Michaela just lost hers. Ianto has to focus on who really needs him, and right now that’s her.

So even though he keeps half an eye on Jack, it is Michaela he holds as she sobs in grief.

 

~*~

 

When Ianto sleeps that night he dreams.

He dreams of flashes of time revealing themselves to him.

He sees what has happened.

He sees what is.

And what will be.

It’s all very Galadriel’s mirror actually.

He sees Jack kissing him before he leaves with the Doctor.

He sees Jack kissing him as Ianto dies the first time.

And he sees Jack kissing him in the future.

But it’s a way off.

There will be a conversation between him and Jack.

One that will define their relationship forever. One that will set them on a very particular path.

But it won’t be for a while.

No. First, Ianto has to get married.

He’s seen the bride in her white dress and smiles.

He’s wanted normal for most of his life, something to ground him among the madness of Torchwood.

By God he’s going to get it.

Even if it kills him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	4. Fluid Emotions

Ianto wonders if it’s tacky or cruel to invite Jack to his wedding.

It’s not intended to be either.

It just… seems right.

 

~*~

 

Archibald McGregor, Head of Torchwood Two, is laid to rest in a well kept Church of Scotland graveyard. The day is clear and still, not gloriously beautiful, but calm. As the Head of the Torchwood Organisation, Ianto leads the mourners along with Archie’s closest friend and surrogate daughter, Michaela. He keeps an arm around her shoulders, but she’s holding up well.

Jack on the other hand is doing that stoic expression that utterly fails because his chin keeps trembling.

Gwen and Rhys are looking after him.

 

~*~

 

Ianto has been dating other women when he realises he’s going about this the wrong way.

It’s been two months and a week since Archie died, since the TARDIS gave him back his missing soul piece. Since then he has been searching for the woman he had seen in the wedding dress. His future wife.  

So far he’s had no luck.

He has placed Michaela at the head of Torchwood Two. She was the only choice, and so far he has been happy with the way it had worked out. Then she called him sounding tired and weak, and he decided to check in on her himself.

Flu’s sucked, no matter who had them. With Michaela, she basically turned into a little girl, needing looking after. Not that she would admit it.

“I’m ok, you have work.” she says, sniffling as she curls up on the couch. Her giant wolfhound Dubhtach seems to roll her eyes at Ianto.

“I’m looking after you.” says Ianto.

Michaela gives him such a pathetically grateful look he doubts he could have done anything else. Smiling, he reaches out and rests his hand on her hot forehead. She moans quietly at the touch.

“Cool…” she sighs. Ianto chuckles.

 

~*~

 

After the funeral, Michaela looks a little lost.

“Just… isn’t the same as the ones back home.” she explains, digging her heels into the ground. “I mean, for one, no games?”

Jack, Gwen, Rhys, Martha and Ianto all look at her in utter bafflement. She shrugs, “You know, like, the younger lads sneak in, tie a string around the wrist of the body, chuck it out the open window and when someone else comes in, they pull it.”

“Causing the mourner to have a heart attack?” Martha raises a dubious eyebrow. Michaela shrugs,

“It’s a game.”

“That’s disgraceful.” snaps Gwen. Michaela shrugs again,

“It’s life.”

That shuts Gwen up somehow. Ianto squeezes Michaela close and drops a kiss on her brow, murmuring into her hair.

“You Irish are mental.”

Michaela snuggles into his chest, mumbling, “Would you have us any other way?”

 

~*~

 

As Ianto helps her into bed he looks at her red nose, watery eyes and pouty lips.

 _‘I love you.’_ he realises with a jolt.

“Quit staring at me.” she scolds, clutching his hand and disappearing under the duvet.

 

~*~

 

The invitations to the wedding are sent out.

They’re green and blue, not too fancy, just simple and classy. Suits them both. The leprechaun riding a dragon on the back is the quirk they could not resist.

“You know Jack would make so many jokes about that image.” sighs Ianto as they examine the finished card.

“If he gets one.” is the quiet reply.

Ianto sighs and sets the card on the table. “I still don’t know.”

“If he came, would you change your mind about me?”

“No.” Definitely not.

“Are you inviting him to be spiteful?”

“No… I just want him there.”

“Then deliver it to him yourself.”

 

 

~*~

 

There’s no big dinner and drink up after Archie’s funeral. Ianto knows the lack of it has put Michaela on edge.

“You’re meant to gorge yourself because you can after a funeral.” she sighs as Ianto takes her to her bedroom, so she can change. Ianto’s going to run a bath for her.

“We can still do that.”

“Feel hollow now. Meant to do it with everyone.” she mumbles, undoing the buttons on her blouse. Ianto realises she’s watching him and blushes.

“What are you doing?” he asks stupidly.

Michaela smiles, “What are you, Mark from the Room?”

Ianto grimaces at the memory of being forced to sit through that film sober. “You’re upset…”

“No… I just miss you.”

Ianto finds himself reaching out and slipping his hands under her blouse, his fingers slotting into the dips of her ribs, fitting nicely. Her skin is warm, and since his encounter with Bad Wolf Rose he has avoided intimacy with anyone, partially because he’s worried that he might affect a partner with whatever he’s got.

“Do you want me?” she asks, the question kind, not seductive. Giving him a way out.

Ianto pulls her against him and kisses her.

 

~*~

 

Jack doesn’t come to the wedding.

Ianto cannot say he’s surprised. Since Archie’s funeral Jack has been missing and only Gwen and Martha can reach him –if that.

Ianto had to get Martha to pass on the invitation.

Annoyance is the predominant reaction to Jack’s absence. Hurt is the second.

“Wanker.”

 

~*~

 

Ianto asks Michaela to marry him on a Thursday.

She gives him an answer on Sunday. After a pointed question.

“How come?”

“Because I want to marry you.”

“Not because of Jack?”

“Not everything in my life revolves around him.”

“Used to.”

“Not anymore.”

“Ok then. You’d better not break my heart.”

Ianto won’t promise it, because every time he makes a big promise, he never seems to live up to it. Maybe if he doesn’t promise, he’ll be able to actually do it.

 

~*~

 

Gwen thinks Ianto’s being kind, like Michaela is a charity case.

Martha thinks Ianto is running away from his feelings.

Rhys thinks Ianto’s better off with Michaela –though he only says so out of earshot of Gwen.

Rhiannon is confused that Ianto’s with a woman again. But decides that she likes her.

“She’s a bit posh, but you’re happy with her.”

Ianto knows for a fact Michaela’s about as posh as himself. It’s all an act. She’s a bogger, a country girl to match his estate lout.

Ianto doesn’t know what Jack thinks. Quite frankly he’s not interested in dissecting his mind.

Ianto knows he loves her. She’s his friend, his lover, and she loves him without drama.

It’s all he wants.

 

~*~

 

One night, eleven months after Archie’s funeral, Ianto is making love to his wife.

It’s quiet, intense, Ianto loves the way they surround each other. He holds her as close as he can, occasionally kissing her ear as they move.

Her fingers dig into his skin as she moans and he follows her to completion with a loud, satisfied sigh.

He’s almost asleep on top of her when she goes ridged under him and her fingers dig in again. He looks up and nearly jumps when he sees the tall shadow standing in his bedroom. But in the moment of surprise comes the recognition.

“Jack!”

 

~*~

 

Twenty-six months after Ianto got his soul back, he’s holding his first child.

A daughter. Leeza Murphy-Jones

She’s got his nose, her mother’s eyes and her own sense of timing.

She was due ten days ago, but had refused to budge. Ianto had done everything his miserable, uncomfortable wife had told him to do to try and get the baby moving. He was immortal, but that didn’t mean a pregnant woman was no longer a formidable and terrifying prospect.

Ianto had been examining a new artefact when the call came that Michaela was in labour.

It was exactly the moment when the artefact triggered a lockdown.

 

~*~

 

“Jack, what the hell are you doing?” Ianto demands, getting off the bed and pulling on his discarded tracksuit bottoms.

“I… I came… I need…”

Jack sounds hoarse, bone weary and Ianto wants to look after him. But Jack has been standing there for God knows how long watching something that Ianto considered private, just between him and his wife. He felt like his intimate moment had been violated.

Michaela turns on the bedside lamp and pulls the sheet tight around her. Jack looks worse in the yellow light. He’s dirty, thin, red-rimmed at the eye.

“Jack what are you doing here?” repeats Ianto, stepping closer. Jack looks dazed, eyes flicking between him and Michaela and back. Then he starts pulling at his clothes, a grimace of a smirk on his face.

“Thought I’d join in.” he drawls.

It’s like a pathetic parody of Captain Jack Harkness. It doesn’t seem real.

“Jack no. Get out of this bedroom.”

“C’mon Ianto… you know you can’t turn me away.” The strain around Jack’s eyes belies the slightly more convincing smirk. He’s now shirtless and turns his eyes to Michaela, leering at her, “Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it Micka. Just imagine what I could do to you.”

Ianto moves between Jack and the bed, seeing Michaela’s face is twisted between pity, disgust and embarrassment.

“Back off Jack, I mean it.”

“Aww, c’mon Ianto… a threesome is a great way to spice up a lukewarm marriage.”

Ianto doesn’t even think before he punches Jack.

 

~*~

 

Ianto’s favourite game during the pregnancy months is flat football.

He finds flatish objects that he can rest on the expanding bump and waits for the inevitable kick of a tiny heel to send the object flying. This always sends him into childish giggles of glee, clapping his hands like a seal and rocking back with delight.

“If it’s a boy you’re gonna try and make him the next O’Gara, aren’t you?” Michaela smiles, reclining back into the couch and watching him. Ianto does not correct her choice of an Irish kicker, he’s too busy balancing a coaster right where the last kick was. “It’s your laughing it’s responding to, you know that, right.”

Yes, Ianto does know, and it makes his whole body warm to think of it.

 

~*~

 

Ianto drags Jack out of the bedroom and down into the kitchen.

“What the hell are you playing at?” he demands of Jack, who staggers like he’s drunk –though Ianto cannot smell any alcohol.

“What? Thought you’d be grateful.” snorts Jack, shaking his head.

“Jack I am this much away from throwing you out of my house-”

“You’re an idiot!” snaps Jack, eyes clearing a little. “Don’t you realise what you’ve done?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You really think marrying her is a good idea?”

“Yes I do.”

“You’ll regret it. You’ll regret it when she breaks your heart.”

Ianto realises what this is about and rolls his eyes. “Ah, and just how will she break my heart?”

“She’ll leave. Whether by her own will, or by death, she’ll leave you.”

“And?”

Jack blinks, as if he had not anticipated this response.

“And… then you’ll be miserable.”

“I expect so. But you know what, it’s ok.”

Jack gapes at him, then flares up in a rage, “Don’t you get it? Every single person you will ever love will leave you, either because they can’t take being with you, or they die. You will always be left behind!”

“So I should adopt your strategy, hm? Running and hiding every time there’s a chance I could make a real connection with someone? Treat people who care about me like shit so that when they’re gone I’ll not be so hurt? Only when that happens, what’ll I really feel but regret at the fact that I wasted the chance I had to make happy memories in favour of being a bastard?”

“You have no idea-”

“No! You’re a coward Jack Harkness. You’re willing to do all sorts of dangerous things to save the world but when it comes to your heart you are a coward!”

Ianto ducks away from Jack’s swinging fist –clearly he’s in better shape than Jack.

“You don’t-”

“Oh I do. Believe me, I understand just fine. But I’d like to think I’ve learned one thing from you, and that is that I should take my loved ones and hold them close until I lose them. So that when I look back on my memories of them, I’ll be able to smile, and not wish I could have given them more.”

“And what about me?”

“Right now I’m not really inclined to touch you, let alone shag you.”

“I’m the only other immortal around!”

“And I’m glad of that, believe me, I am. But that does not mean I’m not still mad at you for how you treated me. And what is your sudden desire to love me but relief at how I am? You just wanted someone you couldn’t lose.”

“I cared about you! Don’t you dare say I didn’t.”

“…That would have meant something when I wasn’t safe.”

 

~*~

 

It isn’t always easy.

Their second child is born two years after their first, but the months leading up to it are hell.

Leeza is jealous and angry over the coming baby, and seems to have gotten it into her head that this new baby will steal away her parents. So she throws tantrums, breaks things, and even buries new toys for the baby in mud after rain. The Rift is busy and UNIT is on their backs. Ianto is afraid something will happen to the baby or Michaela if things get worse.

Thankfully things quieten down a little in time for their son to be born. Archer Murphy-Jones. He comes rather easily in comparison to Leeza, and that reflects in his temper. He is unbothered by noises, and soon sleeps through the night. Leeza takes a long time to warm up to him, and so she latches to Ianto, since Michaela is breastfeeding.

Rhys is a favourite of Leeza, who shuns Gwen’s coos, and dislikes Anwen who tries to treat her like a doll. A tomboy through and through.

Ianto loves having her with him in his office, where she can watch the goings on from a safe distance. They decided before she was conceived that their children would be aware of their parents’ jobs, and impressed with the understanding that it was a secret.

So far so good.

Just wait until school.

 

~*~

 

‘Bobby’ is his nickname thirteen years after he marries. It took a near embarrassing amount of time for him to understand what the reference was. It’s only when the American UNIT Captain who gave him the name jokingly called,

“Hey Bobby, how’s Ethel?” that he makes the connection.

He is indeed following in JFK’s brother’s footsteps when it comes to reproduction, seeing as his ninth child was just born.

Gwen cannot understand how Michaela can do it. Anwen is still her only child.

Rhiannon thinks they’re both nuts.

Johnny’s impressed. “Didn’t think you had that much in you, especially since you went bender for a bit, eh?”

Ianto makes no apologies for his children’s creation, or existence. Nor does he wonder at why Michaela, a modern woman, seems happiest pregnant and caring for their kids. Not after the chewing out he got when he asked her if she felt like a barefoot-kitchen wife.

“It’s my fucking life! I’m supposed to make the choice. If I want to be a mum and raise kids, then that’s what I’ll bloody well do Ianto!”

Money isn’t an issue, and since Ianto rarely gets tired anymore, he has plenty of energy to spend on his kids. Leeza’s a moody brat sometimes, Archer is a mummy’s boy and quite content that way, Toshi is abrasive and Eoin is technically minded (the irony amuses Ianto almost every day), Freda and Georgina are doubles of each other who have nothing else in common, though neither share their Weasley namesakes’ mischievous side thank Christ! Leeza named them after hearing that they were twins. There was no changing her mind. Jacque was conceived in France, and much to their distress at the time, is deaf. Now they all use sign language at all times in the house. Erin has her mother’s hair and her way with animals, while their baby, Shannon (though always called River), was almost lost to them by fanatic war mongers.

The Doctor is never letting anyone have sex on the TARDIS again.

“Always leads to trouble and is it really necessary to add to the confusion by calling her River too? Honestly you humans!”

 

~*~

 

“You should have come to the wedding.” Ianto tells Jack, who scowls.

“Yeah, really wanted to see that. You only married her because I-”

“My marriage has nothing to do with you!” snarls Ianto furiously.

“Oh doesn’t it?” snorts Jack.

“No! It doesn’t. I married Michaela because I love her.”

“And what, you just forgot about me?”

“You are so self absorbed.”

“You live long enough-”

“I’m pretty sure you have to be born with this much narcissism.”

“You’re lying to yourself and to her if you think you love her.”

“Oh, you really sound like a 20th century person now Jack. Then again you’ve spent more of your life then than in your own time. I guess it’s only to be expected.”

“Wha-”

“I am perfectly capable of loving more than one person and many people in different ways. I loved you, hell a part of me still does. It does not lessen or discredit my feelings for my wife. And if you try and suggest otherwise I will punch you again.”

 

~*~

 

Torchwood is a massive organisation by the time Ianto reaches his fortieth birthday. He would dare say only his family outdoes it.

Fifteen children later and Ianto quietly suggested to Michaela that that was enough. Leeza is almost seventeen and they have a five month old. The gap is big enough that Leeza refuses to take Quinn out in his pram, insisting that everyone thinks he’s hers.

“I’m no slut having a kid at seventeen!” she snaps, before striding out of their house. Jacque rolls his eyes and bangs his fist up against his other flat hand. _Fool._

 _Don’t be rude._ Ianto tells him, with a scowl to emphasis his signs.

Jacque makes a small circle with his fist over his heart. _Sorry._

Ianto squeezes Jacque’s shoulder and wonders if he had ever even dreamed of having a family so massive they had to custom build a house big enough to hold them all.

Nope.

Definitely not.

He grins.

 

~*~

 

Jack doesn’t come to see Leeza when she’s born. Nor does he come for Archer, or Toshi, or Eoin.

It’s the twins he turns up for, which catches Ianto so off guard he actually jumps. Jack gives him a weak smile.

“Finally!” he sighs, “I made you jump.”

Ianto stares at him carefully. The last time they spoke, Jack had walked out after Ianto had declared his love for his wife.

Jack looks better, like he’s cleared his head, and eased his soul.

“I hear you and Micka have had another baby.”

“Two. Twin girls.”

“Ah… how many does that make?”

“Erm… six.” says Ianto, a bashful smile spreading on his lips as he shrugs. Jack’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Wow… quite a handful.”

“Yeah. But I’ve loved almost every minute of it.”

Jack nods as if he understands. “So… no regrets?”

“None at all.”

“Good. I… I hope it remains so, even when-”

“Don’t talk about that. Not today.”

“Right. Sorry. I just…”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“…so.”

“So…”

There’s nothing to say right now. So they don’t bother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> 
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**Author's Note:**

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